It’s Week 6 and Mr. Worldwide comes by to drop off some absurd challenges. What shocking twist did ABDC pull out this week? Read on to find out…
Howard: ABDC goes international!
LeKeith: Like Pitbull would say, “Uno, Dos, Tres, Cuatro!” And other Spanish words.
Howard: This may be my second least favorite ABDC theme night.
LeKeith: Yeah, it’s not my favorite either. Even when it’s on SYTYCD
Howard: At least when it’s on SYTYCD, they’re getting coaching from people who are practiced in those international dance styles. Here, it’s basically, “Make yo’ shit all Asian and whatnot!”
LeKeith: This is true. Pitbull is not known for his international flair.
Howard: Well, he is Mr. Worldwide. As he likes to remind you. AT THE START OF EVERY SINGLE SONG HE HAS.
LeKeith: HAHA! Is that what that was? I thought it was a ghost
Howard: Imagine if every artist was like that? “Hey Jude! It’s us the Beatles! We’ll take your sad song and make it better!”
LeKeith: I guess I’ll have to buy the White Album again. Sorry, I got off track – back to the Dance. What did you think of the opening routine?
Howard: I thought it was well put together and some of the crews got some moments to really shine. It was not, however, a routine that I was eager to go back and revisit.
LeKeith: Nor was I. I felt like there was a lot of standing around by the crews.
Howard: There was definitely a lot of posing on the periphery with beach balls while choreo happened in the middle.
LeKeith: Yeah… That was weird. I didn’t know ABDC could morph into Beach Blanket Bingo. Can I say that I was a little elated to see the Lil’ Jerseys?
Howard: We can let that slide.
LeKeith: Here’s why: 1) My Favorite Lil’ Jersey was there: Mr. Chunk-o-Munk and he was rocking his big boy groove.
Howard: That’s true. He is their single greatest member.
LeKeith: 2) They totally found the Justin Beiber of Jersey and threw him into the crew, complete with the haircut. So Lil’ Jersey has a Menudo rule.
Howard: OK, I’m glad that I was not hallucinating that random dark skinned kid. He’s like the Snooki of the group.
LeKeith: No, he was definitely there. I like how no one acknowledged that there was something different though. It’s like when they replaced Becky on Roseanne.
Howard: Maybe they’re trying to perfect the Jersey Shore formula. “OK, we have someone from Chile that pretends they’re Italian. What’s next?”
LeKeith: Maybe! My other favorite part, Pitbull totally stole John Cena’s salute entrance.
Howard: HA! In terms of their performance, I thought Lil’ Broskis were at their same level of mediocrity when they had their solo. But I thought they were shockingly crisp and on point when they were part of the larger group.
LeKeith: Oh yeah, nothing’s changed. Except the new kid.
Howard: HA! So let’s jump to the first crew. What’d you think of Purple Stuff?
LeKeith: I didn’t like it. First of all, everyone go rent and watch Only the Strong.
Howard: Agreed. It’s Mark Dascasos’ finest performance.
LeKeith: I completely agree!
Howard: I feel like Purple Stuff has seen it, because they were singing the song!
LeKeith: I know! that’s why I got so excited for their performance!
Howard: Paranauȇ! Paranauȇ Parana! Sadly, who knew that would be the best part of their performance.
LeKeith: Yeah, I didn’t enjoy their performance. I didn’t think they got low enough
LeKeith: Also, Purple Stuff throws a kick or two into every routine: that part is expected. This was a chance to show off a different martial art on top of a different dance and it just flopped. Although it did make me want to go watch Only the Strong again. I will give them that. And the knee spin thing. That was sick.
Howard: Yes! I think that this is the season of the awesome Knee Shit. Knee Moonwalk last week. Knee Spins this week.
LeKeith: I wonder what’s next week?
Howard: Knee Cartwheels!
LeKeith: That would be amazing. I’m pretty sure a kneecap would break though.
Howard: Oh yeah. This routine reminded for an 80s karate movie, where the awkward white kid learns karate and it gives him self-confidence. But he doesn’t know how to dance, so he just performs karate moves at the prom. And everyone loves him!
LeKeith: Also, that’s exactly it. It was like an 80′s movie where the character “learned karate.” Great, now I want to go watch Sidekicks.
Howard: Yup, I’m pretty sure I just described a scene from Sidekicks there.
LeKeith: I hope Purple Stuff does better next week. If the re-incorporate narrative, it may help them structure their routine better. Otherwise, they just become another flip kick crew.
LeKeith: Also, my brother pointed out that my dislike of them may stem from their signature pose being eerily similar to one of Hulk Hogan’s.
Howard: HAHA! See, I actually love the pose. I may have to break it out at dodgeball tonight.
LeKeith: I am going to agree to disagree right now and promise to do my best to ignore this bias in future comments. However, I will say that so far the activities in their town seem to rank in the following order: 1. Karate; 2. Dance; 3. Getting Tattoos.
Howard: There’s not a ton of things to do in the desert. We should really just be happy that #4 isn’t cooking meth.
LeKeith: They still have another week to confirm.
Howard: HA! I’d like to see them step their game up next week too. Last week’s subway performance showed what they were capable of doing.
Howard: Now they just need to meet that bar again.
LeKeith: And backflip over it.
Howard: It’s also mildly disconcerting that Baskin Robbins appeared significantly more athletic than Purple Stuff about 5 seconds into their routine.
LeKeith: Oh man, yes! I noticed that too. I thought it was strange. The little ringmaster did a better capoeira kick than Purple Stuff did!
Howard: It was an epic move though! Also, something that you can only really do with sub-90 pound girls.
LeKeith: No, that was amazing! Also, when they did the standing kick flips so that the dresses overlapped?
Howard: It’s nuts.
LeKeith: Such an impressive visual move. That was also really good camera work for those shots. Let’s give credit where credit is due.
Howard: Yeah, the ABDC ADD Cam calmed it down for their performance. Overall, I thought they did a good job of incorporating the can-can without letting it overwhelm the performance.
LeKeith: Yes, they did. Quick Question: Do you think about Shoprite when you hear the can-can music or is that an East Coast thing?
Howard: I think that’s just an East Coast thing, buddy.
LeKeith: Ah, well, good to know.
Howard: I again raise my objections to giving the little girls the routine that’s designed to be scandalous. And, as if to highlight this point for me, MTV did a cutaway to Teen Predator Wolf.
LeKeith: HAHA! Yeah, I do appreciate that new Teen Wolf was unenthusiastically holding the sign that was made by a producer’s daughter.
Howard: HA! I’m sure it was a poor PA’s job to make that sign.
LeKeith: Yeah, I know but I’m sure the instruction was “Make it look like my Daughter made it!”
Howard: I did think the portion after they lost the can-can outfits was not as tight as the earlier portion. But I was weirdly terrified by the ending of their routine.
LeKeith: I was going to ask you about that.
Howard: Tiny Adult Face Ringmaster really captured the terror of the moment with her expression.
LeKeith: oh, I thought it took on a weird duality, going from Ringmaster to Pimp. either way, the “acts” were getting revenge.
Howard: Yeah, that was definitely the underlying storyline.
LeKeith: Oh, good, it wasn’t just me then.
Howard: Though I did not make the teen prostitutes mental transition.
LeKeith: Oh, then it was just me. I haven’t been sleeping well.
Howard: Did you happen to catch the 1980s movie Angel on TV recently? That may explain your thought process.
LeKeith: Possibly… Stop checking my DVR! But I digress. I appreciated that Tiny Adult Face was the focus of the montage, but she came off a little too Toddlers and Tiaras for me. I was a little scared of her by the end.
Howard: I feel like there’s a bit of an uncanny valley effect there. But I have to admit that her technique was great. And when she did the whacking after Lil’ Broskis came out to pander to audience, she was fantastic.
LeKeith: Yeah, it was weird watching that little playdate. The girls were way better than the boys.
Howard: Oh, significantly so.
LeKeith: Little Broski Boy does hand tutting. Baskin Robbins girl does leg splits while doing handstands. Game. Set. Match.
Howard: HA! It’s true. So this brings us to the disappointment of the night: M.O.S Def. How have they fallen so far?
LeKeith: I can’t tell if they’re over-thinking things or if they’ve genuinely lost their cohesion. Or if going to the Russian baths really did a number on them.
Howard: HA! I feel like it’s a little of column A and a little of column B. It can’t help that dudes are messing up every week.
LeKeith: Yeah, I think that’s the underlying tension in the group. What D-Trix said about the back not holding it together if there’s a mistake in the front spoke volumes.
Howard: Yup. Who would have thought the D-Trix would be the most insightful judge? He was similarly on point when discussing Purple Stuff.
LeKeith: HA! True but not as poignantly. Although the Phrase “reach down to your manbag” has its own poetry to it.
Howard: It’s true. There was also a moment at the end after Ricky did his flips. He did a salute and everyone crossed their arms. Except for the guy on the far right.
LeKeith: Yeah, I noticed that.
Howard: And once he realized he fucked up, he just looked like he lost his smile.
LeKeith: the routine itself was fine though. Russian dancing is hard to incorporate but they did a good job with that part of it.
Howard: Yeah, when it was working, it was a lot of fun. But they’re also not as tight as they were in the first few weeks.
LeKeith: It’s true. Maybe the pressure of the competition and being frontrunners from the beginning has gotten to them
Howard: Maybe this week will be a wake up call for them. Or the train will continue to go off the rails. Either way, I’m intrigued to see where they are next week.
LeKeith: You know what didn’t do them any favors? The highlights at the end, where they show you the numbers to call, focused on the hat drop. Not cool, MTV. You can be subtler.
Howard: Yeah, that was cruel. They might as well have shown the moment where that one guy smashed his nuts on the other guy’s neck.
LeKeith: Yeah, that was really bad.
Howard: Speaking of things that were really bad, how is it possible that Fanny Pak was in the bottom two after last week’s performance?! That was, by far, the best routine of the night.
LeKeith: I Have No Idea.
Howard: They were strong this week too. But last week’s performance deserved to be an all-time ABDC highlight. At least, for me.
LeKeith: Me as well. I know there’s some Fanny Paklash but they should still have been out of the bottom 2.
Howard: Haters, stop hating!
LeKeith: Yeah, become Rainbows!
Howard: HA! They definitely shouldn’t get a free pass. But when they’re awesome, they should be rewarded.
LeKeith: I agree. And Fanny Pak has been working. Last week, everything clicked and for that, you should be safe. This week was very good too but for very different reasons.
LeKeith: First of all, they drew the Chris Brown card, which helps no one. Secondly, the music was pretty different than the rest of the show so the pace shift affected the audience. Third, Bollywood style dance is very specific in movement, placement and direction, which can be hard to pick up on. That being said, they were excellent with it. Plus, seeing it with 7 people here as opposed to 2 on SYTYCD makes a huge difference. 7 people with matching intricate legwork is breathtaking.
Howard: I concur. The larger group makes it feel more like a true Bollywood number. Though I feel like the added members of Fanny Pak sometimes make the routines feel bloated.
LeKeith: Yeah, I could see that.
Howard: They do a good job of making no one feel unnecessary, but sometimes I feel like the routines would be tighter with two less people.
LeKeith: There was only one part in the routine – where they paired off for the scarf illusion – where I noticed that there was an odd man out.
Howard: Yeah, I saw him go away, but didn’t notice where he was. So that’s good, I guess?
LeKeith: We’ll put that in the win column, sure. I loved the finish to this routine though, with Glenda getting wrapped up, literally.
Howard: Yeah, that was a fantastic sequence. I also love that they brought back the fanny packs.
LeKeith: Yes! I didn’t notice that until JC’s Slo Mo. I like when the replay points out something I either didn’t catch like that or a better angle of something else, like with the Baskin Robbins’ opening sequence.
Howard: True. I worry that America won’t pick up on the intricacies of FP’s choreo though. While their routine was a joy to watch, there wasn’t a lot of Wow Factor to it.
LeKeith: I think that’s why D-Trix said what he said this week.
Howard: “Hey, idiots. Vote for them!”
LeKeith: Well, remember a few seasons ago where they just yelled at America?
Howard: Yeah, that was awesome.
LeKeith: I agree. But this seemed to be the gentler approach.
Howard: So what did you think of NXT?
LeKeith: I’m upset with Mario Lopez for saying, “Ancient Chinese Secret.” But when they said it was the dance of 1000 hands, I thought of E. Honda which is worse because E. Honda was from Japan.
LeKeith: So, NXT made me offend myself for being so offensive.
Howard: I was just waiting to count the number of Asian stereotypes that would appear in their number.
LeKeith: How many did you count? 1. Hugh Hefner style Kimono. 2. Hand fans
Howard: 3. Karate. 4. White guy doing karate.
LeKeith: HA! The karate was weird. He kinda just did it to do it.
Howard: Really, they just needed a gong noise. And they would have been set.
LeKeith: Or to beat up the beat using Chopsticks.
Howard: Also, the white dude could have run away with all the Asian girls on the crew.
LeKeith: The Season’s not over yet, Howard. Bailey can still declare his love.
Howard: I can’t wait.
LeKeith: This is the weirdest version of Dance Bachelor yet.
Howard: Overall, I thought they did a good job with the routine. The illusion was well done.
LeKeith: Yes, it was!
Howard: And no one attempted to do someone else’s dry cleaning or give them a mani/pedi. Sorry, I’m still hung up on that .
LeKeith: it’s okay. Look, if they had to do Africa dance and make Africa Face, I’d be up in arms through this whole recap.
Howard: HAHA! I don’t even want to imagine that.
LeKeith: You don’t have to. Vogue Evolution did it during Beyonce week. The only thing that threw me off in the challenge was Bailey. I guess the side effect of having the Vanilla Ice Gumby is that it combs down into the MMA Fighter haircut and he had serial killer eyes. I mean, I know he was trying to look focused or determined, but he had serial killer eyes. Weirded me out.
Howard: You mean when they redid the Dance of A Thousand Hands at the end? With all the fans?
Howard: Yeah, that was not a good look on him.
LeKeith: I just shuddered thinking about it.
Howard: And then… jump to karate pose finish!
LeKeith: Well, Purple Stuff forgot one in their routine.
Howard: “Just in case you wanted more karate, America!”
LeKeith: NXT were just picking up the slack. Actually, their challenge lent itself to peel-outs which I think they handled very well. If I had to choose between them and Fanny Pak, it would have been a tough decision. I mean, I would have chosen Fanny Pak and then yelled at America again but, you know, I didn’t know there was a third option.
Howard: Yeah, who knew that the judges could just say nope.com? More importantly, why didn’t they use this amazing super power in earlier seasons?!
LeKeith: I really don’t know. Maybe they didn’t have it. Maybe going through J. Lo week gave them that one Save coin that they use on Idol sometimes.
Howard: I hadn’t thought of that! But I feel like that’s the best in-continuity explanation. You win a No Prize!
LeKeith: You know I strive to make sense out of the random. Which is why Will Smith needs to show up for the Season of the Superstar Finale.
Howard: Big Willie Styles! So is next week the dreaded double elimination again? Or did they come up with a way to extend the season an extra week?
LeKeith: Oh, next week is a Double Elimination, I think. I want at least one of the eliminated crews to say “You sunk my Battleship.” If only Hipster Cru were still around. Also, Flo Rida is still the Reigning Superstar of Superstars on the Season of the Superstar. He showed up, performed on the stage, recorded his challenged and critiqued the crews. Pitbull only showed up and recorded his challenges.
Howard: Well, Flo Rida only reps a state. Pitbull has to tend to the entire world. He’s a busy dude.
LeKeith: I guess. You mean he couldn’t up with a couple of competing dog puns for Mario Lopez?
Howard: No man can withstand the power of Mario’s puns.
LeKeith: Fair enough.
Howard: Here’s what I’d like to see next week: Less karate. No Fanny Pak in the bottom 2. That’s it.
LeKeith: That’s a good list. I like it.
Howard: And on that hopeful note, we out!